Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
