We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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