I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
