so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
