Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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