I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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