There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
