No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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