is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we're so committed to being not committed
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