Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
