we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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