We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
