When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
