New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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