he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
