Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
