So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
