no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
