I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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