We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think my fart just growled at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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