Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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