walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
