LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
