I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
