Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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