I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
