Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
