he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
