Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
