Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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