I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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