Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
