...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
