hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
