none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
