Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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