After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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