We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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