I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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