Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
