Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
