So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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