what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
