her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
