The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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