I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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