Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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