Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
