can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
