Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
