the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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