I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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