Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
