she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
