made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
