he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
