I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
