whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
