A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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