I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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