it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
