smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
