i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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