why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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