Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
