It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
