Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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