we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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