I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
