Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
