If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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