Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were destined to go to rehab together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
