dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
