did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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