Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
