You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
