I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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