Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
