We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
