She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
