I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
