Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
